How to Spot a Frog in a Bar
20 Friday Jul 2012
Written by Kris in Frogs, Toads, TOADar, and Knights in Shining Armor
Very few dating experiences happen without at least a modicum of time spent in a bar or other similar social setting. You should really be aware and prepared to deal with some of those “experiences” as outlined below:
So a frog walks into a bar, sits down and starts to pick his nose as he waits. He eyes his potential princess from across the room and smiles a toothy grin. Unsure, you smile back. He gets up and walks to your part of the bar. “Hey baby, did it hurt?” he begins. “Uh, did what hurt?” you reply, confused. “When you fell from heaven?” Ugh, and so, the lines begin…Yes, my darling, you have just met another frog.
Oh and no… this is not a joke – after all, it’s ALL about frogs!
One of the most common meeting places for a princess to meet her potential prince is the local bar. All gussied up, the princess spends much of her busy afternoon preening for her prince. She looks in the car mirror for one last glance and then confidently enters the ball, I mean, bar. How is a princess to know if her prince-in-waiting awaits inside or yet, another toothy frog?
Princely Vs. Bar Frog Attire
Everyone knows a true prince always dresses the part. Too well dressed for an evening out at a bar can perhaps mean this prince is actually a player in disguise. Not dressed well enough, well, he is probably a loser waiting to pounce. How does the princess tell the difference?
A Player Frog can be spotted from a mile away by one article of clothing – the Blazer. Nice dark denim jeans, silver buckled belt, awesome loafers and pressed button down sound like a dream- especially on a hot body. But, add that blazer and step away, my princess, for he is likely playing you and six other girls in the room.
A Loser Frog is always telltale because he is likely alone or in a rat pack of similarly dressed frogs. Often with his slicked back hair and a tried-too-hard outfit, he will likely have one too many buttons undone. As he slowly saunters over he nearly always lays his best one-liner. “Nice legs.” He may start. “What time do they open?” Ew.
The Voice of a Bar Frog
As we all know, a frog croaks – even in a bar. Hot and confident, a possible prince once called me over to him with a come hither of his finger. As I curiously approached he whispered in my ear, “I made you come with one finger!” Yes, a frog had unfortunately crept out of the pond again.
A Frog often stumbles over his words; he has not mastered the prince’s refined speech and honest tongue. The poor frog may stutter, swallow a lot or even cough nervously. The Loser Frog may even say nothing at all, simply standing with his other frog folk, staring longingly from across the room.
Player Frogs in a pack are the worst! Loud, obnoxious and trying to grab attention, groups of frogs cannot possibly be ignored – not matter how hard a princess may try…
Body Language of a Bar Frog
A Prince stands tall, proud and confident. He humbly does not realize his true princely potential. A Frog, however, is another amphibian altogether… A frog’s stance is nervous, sweaty and fidgety. A frog may cross his arms tightly or uncomfortably put his arm out in front of you, leaning not so nonchalantly against the bar. A frog does not respect the princess’s personal space.
A Player frog at this point may corner you, rub up against you ever so gently or even take a bold hand in a place non grata. That Player frog may then shower you with compliments, that initially make you feel special, but then actually sound fake – when you realize he barely knows you!
Take the time my dears to get to know the Bar Frog well, so that you may avoid, avoid and avoid! Yes, Princesses, spotting a Frog in a bar is the easy part – it is the Prince that oh so hard to find.
And so we continue our search storming through the castle…
Pucker up, Princess!