How to Avoid Toad-al Breakdown After the Breakup
27 Friday Jul 2012
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Better to Have Loved a Frog and Lost, Then Never To Have Loved At All
No, the dating scene is not all a collection of sensible, easy-to-make decisions, and some of them come with a bit of pain and panic. The important tip for today is learning how to avoid Toad-al Breakdown after the Breakup by taking a healthy look at relationships. Let’s go back to Ally and Andre for our example.
Ally and Andre broke up. For those who weren’t following… a you recall, Ally engaged in the ole sabotage and failed, falling head over her Louboutin heels for Andre, despite herself.
Andre seemed like a great guy. Ally tried to for weeks to convince herself he wasn’t, but turned out he just was a really great guy who also really, really loved his job. As it became clear to Ally that Andre loved being an investment banker more than he loved being her boyfriend, it was time for Ally and Andre to part ways. Instead of the usual ice cream and sad songs that usually followed her breakups, Ally patted herself on the back for a relationship well done and put her feet to the pavement again…
So often after a breakup, we fall into the pit of despair. We either blame things entirely on the other frog or entirely on ourselves. In this situation, Ally accepted that she, too, was to blame for the breakup. This helped soften the blow knowing that both of them tried to make things work but, sometimes two people are just too different in their mindsets and it’s not meant to be. It takes a hard look in the mirror to learn from a failed relationship and realize what about the other frog you truly loved and what you could do differently next time.
In the case of Ally and Andre, while Andre loved his job a lot and wanted to succeed at his career – Ally found that she was becoming too insecure and needy on her end of things. Calling or texting constantly to check in with Andre when he wasn’t available to hang out was becoming both annoying to him and embarrassing to her.
“Why was I so insecure?” Ally asked me on our post-breakup phone call. “Hmm… why is anyone so insecure in a relationship?”
So many factors go into making someone feel that way from his lack of attention; to your own feelings about love and acceptance of yourself, to needing constant boosts to your own ego, to a whole myriad of factors. Sometimes these insecurities resolve themselves and your Frog learns how to temper his emotions with yours. However, when insecurities keep popping up in relationship after relationship – maybe it’s time to take a harder look inside.
Learning what you gave and what you got in a relationship, really delving into it – can be a window into who you are as a dater, a partner and a woman. Taking the time to soak your broken-hearted sorrows in a martini and a bubble bath and then examining things will help give your next frog a better chance to become your Prince.